Santa Claus Must Die! is a 100,000 word dark comedy targeted at 13-29 year olds. It is an evergreen sci-fi Christmas novel — like if “The Grinch
Who Stole Christmas" had a head-on with "Bad Santa” in a
Star Wars world of alien creatures.
The New Jersey Mob wants to steal Christmas, so they can bring
back the Roman holiday of Saturnalia — which the top mobster
thinks was stolen by the Church, which, of course is was.
Physicist Máilí Walsh borrows money from mobster Louie
DiComo (from the joys of Revenge Therapy) in order to
rebuild the stringverse controller (from Máilí’s Maze). When
she can't pay the vig, the mobster forces her to use her
buggy tech to take him on a quest to an alternate dimension
to kneecap the real Rudolph and take out the real Santa.
The Capo of the DiComo Crime Family wants to give back something to his people. Like the heritage stolen from his ancestors — starting with the Roman holiday of Saturnalia, which was renamed Christmas after the heinous heist in the year 230 AD. If that means taking down Santa in
his home stringverse then so be it. If you want to do good, sometimes you have to bite the bullet. Sometimes you have to put it into the leg of a reindeer with a big red nose.
She is the top hit woman on the East Coast with kills from South Beach to Southhampton. Of course, that is only her day job. Her real gig is as the Official Dominatrix of the New Jersey Republican party where she entertains politicians who consider water boarding and testicular
tazing a fun kind of foreplay. Back in the day she dated both Louie and Hep. Each wants her back.
A reindeer born in a filly's body, Clydie was too thin and too sensitive for her job pulling the big-ass beer wagon in parades and on TV …commercials. She had a different dream. To transform herself from a Clydesdale into the first
Clydesdeer. The sensitive girl was tired of playing Clydesdale games. She wanted to take the lead position on Santa's sleigh. There is only one red nosed problem in her way. Louie and his mob are going to help her make that problem go away.
The Atlantic City lounge singer dresses like a his idol Frank Sinatra and sings all of Frankie's songs almost as well. His only viral video was the song that got him fired and banned from all casinos everywhere. He dedicated a song to The Donald
that he called, "I Combed It My Way." The fact that he trended on Twitter for six minutes and 30 seconds made losing his job almost worth it. He needs Louie's crazy gig for the cash to produce an album of Christmas parodies he called, "The Most Wonderful Time For A Beer.”
Máilí needed money to develop the stringverse travel controller she stole from the evil corporation in Máilí and the Mercs. The controller is still glitchy, and she can’t pay back what she owes, and she still needs more. To get it, she
makes a deal with mob boss Louie DiComo to help him in his quest to steal Christmas. But her real goal is to find the Thumpers who are stranded in some unknown stringverse.
In Hep's home Stringverse, the zoot suit is the height of fashion. Pencil thin mustaches are all the rage. Swing Music is King. Just because he loved to sing and dance does not mean he isn't tough. It ain’t easy to throw women 17 feet into
the air before catching them, pulling them through his legs, and spinning them like tops. When he isn’t singing with his Hepcats, or doing the Lindy with a hot dolly, he might be doing a dance with his weed-wacker with dudes who've gotten rowdy in his night club,The Hep Hop.
The glitchy controller takes them to many challenging stringverses.
These alternate universes are populated by flying pigs, lizards
leisure suits, and a real Mutha Nature.
CURRENTLY IN REWRITE
Developing as an App-Enhanced Novel.
An App-Enhanced Novel